I still get first-day jitters. I’m always excited to meet a new group of students and I love the revitalizing fresh start that a new semester brings. I prepare, organize, and double-check my syllabus.
Still, every first day back, as I drive to campus extra early to make sure nothing keeps me from arriving late, this sneaky little voice of self-doubt always finds a way to whisper in my ear: “You’re not ready for this.”
As a new professor (just two years in) I still struggle with feeling adequate. I wonder if I’m qualified enough. I want my students to feel comfortable, but at the same time I don’t want to become too informal.
I want to remain professional while also being approachable.
And above all, as I attempt to attain this remarkable balance, I think to myself:
“How will they know I love Jesus? How will I stand out?”
Here’s what I learned this past semester:
- I love praying for my students. Over the past semester, I put forth a more consistent effort of praying for my students. Sometimes it would be in the car before I walked in. Often it was during the silence as they all hunkered over an exam. I would scan the room and pause on each face, asking God, “Lord, let them know You love them. Let them know You are real. And please make a way for me to speak Your truth to them.”
- I love being a willing participant in God’s plan. I love saying, “Lord, use me however you see fit today.” When I ask that, I relax. Then I watch what happens.
- I love finding ways to share my story and God’s story with my students.
One Recent Opportunity
This past semester, God provided several opportunities for me to share my faith in a small way with my students. One student, for example, told me he was dealing with a lot of change in his life. He asked me: Will you send me “good thoughts”.
It was so strange.
It was like God literally put the words in my mouth, before I even thought through it. “Well, my thoughts won’t do much for you, but I do believe in prayer. And I will be praying.”
A spark of recognition and gratitude registered on his face, and I left campus that day confident that God would work in his life.
I was reminded of Proverbs 3 where we are instructed to, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own understanding; think about Him in all your ways, and He will guide you on the right paths” (v. 5-6, HCSB).
Handling the Jitters
Now each semester, as I face those fears of a new class, I try to remember to not rely on my own understanding and how I might or might not appear to my students. Those thoughts often distract me from God’s purpose.
I’m learning that God uses me most in my classrooms when I acknowledge Him in all I do and trust Him with the results.
Ashley Wood Spurdens
UNC-Wilmington