As an academic nearer to the end of my career than the beginning, I have been reflecting recently on the entirety of my professional journey. Looking back, I had many doubts and worries along the way. But God’s sovereignty and faithfulness have also been abundantly evident.
In retrospect, I realize now that my doubts resulted from me being too focused on my goals and desires – as well as relying on my own efforts to achieve my goals. As a result, I struggled with important questions at various stages of my career – including:
- “Will I be able to finish graduate school while my husband is battling cancer?”
- “Will I be able to receive tenure when also raising a small child?”
- “Will I be able to secure sufficient research funding to support all my graduate students?”
- “Will I be able to obtain an engineering leadership position?”
When trying to answer these questions by relying primarily on my own abilities, I created needless anxiety for myself. I should have trusted in God’s faithfulness.
These questions also revealed my view of “success.” As a result, I did not focus enough on the Lord’s plans for my life and my career. It was only during my late husband’s cancer treatments that I started to worry less about tomorrow (Matthew 6:34), focusing instead on the trials of that day and being a faithful steward of the gifts God had given me.
Focusing on blessings rather than worries was something I learned as I watched my late husband progress through a series of medical issues during the last third of his life. I have since also learned similar lessons from observing other, deeply committed Christians deal with their adversities over the years.
Over time, I have tried to focus more on what I can do day-to-day. However, that lesson was still too easily forgotten at various stages of my career. I should have spent more time in prayer – praising God for providing for me in the past. I had to learn to “humble myself” and trust God more. As I did, I became much more aware of “the peace that surpasses all understanding” (Philippians 4:7). That peace has brought me through many turbulent times!
Instead of self-focused worry, I remembered that it was God who placed mentors in my life and opened doors to career opportunities. It was the Lord who provided my passion for teaching and research in engineering, along with the talents necessary to fulfill my professional responsibilities. So, when I use these talents to glorify Him, I please Him, and His faithfulness becomes even more abundantly evident.
The Lord has certainly been patient with my many lapses in forgetting that I am His and made for Him. It is He who ordained that the answers to the questions I mentioned above would, in fact, be “yes” – but in His timing, not my own “preferred” timing.
Isaiah 64:8 says:
“But now, O Lord, You are our Father,
We are the clay, and You are our potter;
And all of us are the work of Your hand.”
I have learned that it’s never too late to trust God more with future hopes. I just needed to place them at His feet – where they belong.
He is the potter; I am the clay.
Jennifer Sinclair Curtis
University of California, Davis