Speaking the Truth in Love

I had a student who pledged a fraternity in the first semester of his freshman year. In the beginning he was a leader. His writing was strong, he led discussions, and he regularly participated in class. As his priorities shifted to his fraternity, the quality of his work plummeted. Moreover, he started falling asleep in class and, frankly, looked disheveled and hungover most days. 

He Was on a Path

I became increasingly disappointed that he was letting himself down in this way, and I was concerned that he was on a path that would ultimately lead him away from becoming the person I knew he could be. I began to pray for an opportunity to talk with him, and for guidance on how to approach these delicate topics without overstepping my role as a mentor. I hoped the rapport I built with him was strong enough to add credibility to any opinion I had of him.

At the start of the spring semester, I required that each student schedule a meeting with me for a one-on-one talk about their upcoming research projects. When this student came to his appointment, I felt convicted that I needed to speak the truth in love to him. I wanted him to know that his work during the fall semester was not up to par with the bar he set for himself — and that we both knew it. 

He Confided in Me

While I expected better work from him, I was mostly concerned that he was losing his way with why he came to college in the first place. Though not needed or expected, the student apologized and thanked me for being willing to broach this subject with him. He confided in me that he had suffered two substantial losses in the fall and not dealt with them in healthy ways.

He hoped that I would see his true character in the spring, and wanted me to notice an improvement as well. And I did.

His work, his appearance, and his participation improved overnight. I was so proud of the commitment he made to himself and the work he put in to fulfilling that promise. In April I received a certificate of recognition from Fraternity and Sorority Life with the following quote: “This year in Colloquium, [Dr. Allen] has never been anything except supportive and understanding, truly pushing me to be a better student and person each and every day.” 

How Many Opportunities?

Knowing that this particular student nominated me with these words means everything to me. Since then, I have wondered how many opportunities we have to speak the truth in love to our students. 

I spend a lot of time building relationships with my students. My hope is that intentionality and consistency lead to trust, allowing us to help others flourish and hopefully experience the love and truth of God. I think those are the prerequisites so that we can step out on that ledge of faith, when needed, to guide them to the right path. 

Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ. Eph 4:15 NIV