My husband and I have completely different careers—he crunches numbers and I punch out prose—I’m an English professor. The demands of our careers and our family sometimes get the best of us, and we end up offering each other our worst—our depleted selves sans empathy, sans affection, sans patience.
We’ve been married long enough to know that those difficult times come with the territory of being married with children and two careers. But knowing it doesn’t make our times of conflict any less painful. Thankfully, God has placed people in our lives that help us get back on track with each other in our marriage.
This year, when things were getting a little rough around the middle of March, my husband and I attended a Weekend to Remember marriage retreat. The retreat lasted from a Friday evening to a Sunday morning, and built into the schedule were breaks that would give us the opportunity to connect, opportunities we don’t always have in the midst of our busy schedules. One of the best parts of the retreat was the Saturday evening date night. As part of his planning for the retreat, my husband arranged for us to go to dinner and enjoy the Nashville symphony, featuring a guest conductor who directed the orchestra in playing some of my favorites, Duke Ellington’s “Harlem,” and George Gershwin’s “Second Rhapsody.”
During the retreat, we learned one of our marriage strengths—spiritual compatibility and one of our weaknesses—communication (go figure). It was people God has placed in our lives from Cru and our small group who told us about the retreat.
In reflection, I appreciate their agreement that for me to be an effective witness for Christ on campus, my home life has to be enriched through the word of God and His Spirit.
Months later, a small group member asked to see my marriage purpose statement. In showing it to her, one part written by my husband stood out to me. It says: “Our purpose is to be united together in perpetual praise to God for His peace and presence in our family life.” It references Philippians 4:4-7 which begins, “Always be full of joy in the Lord; I say it again, rejoice.” It ends with “His peace will keep your thoughts and your heart quiet and at rest as you trust in Christ Jesus.”
Most times our household is far from quiet, so it’s hard to see God’s peace reigning there. But I know that because of all that Christ has done to forgive us of sins and to bring us into harmony with Him, my husband and I can grow closer to one another as we grow closer to Jesus.
