Termination Contemplations

Even though I knew that my institution was facing some tough financial challenges, I hadn’t really expected to face layoffs (or what we British term “redundancy”) myself.

Over the next few days, I went through a roller-coaster of emotions. The first was shock. We don’t have a US-style tenure system in the UK, but once an academic has been given a permanent contract, it is rare to lose one’s job. I was angry that university managers had gotten us into this position. I was also confused – I had thought that God had called me to the academic vocation. Had I gotten that wrong?

Lord, I Love This Job

Most of all, I was sad. After being summoned to a meeting where my options were starkly explained (go voluntarily, or face compulsory layoff with a smaller payout) I went back to my office, locked the door, and sobbed: “Lord, I love this job and I don’t want to lose it; but you are Lord, eternal and unchanging, and I trust you. Thank you for being with me. Amen.”

A lifesaver at that time was the faculty/staff Christian network we had set up that year. I shared a prayer request on our WhatsApp group, and discovered that one of the other members was also facing redundancy.  

The Turning Point

We met up over dinner and reflected together on Psalm 8. David exclaims, “O Lord, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth!” and expresses wonder that such a mighty God should care about humans, making them just “a little lower than the angels.”

This was the turning point. We helped each other look beyond our own problems and trust the great God who had called us to be scholars in the first place.

I was able to share this with lots of colleagues, most of whom were not Christians, who messaged me with concern over what was happening.

Learning to Trust

I replied saying that I was obviously upset, but:

“I’ve found a lot of strength by reflecting on a passage from the New Testament, St Paul’s letter to the church in Galatia, where he writes, ‘I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I that live, but Christ lives in me: and the life which I now live I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.’ (Galatians 2:20)

I know that my future – including work – is in the hands of a God who loves me and knows me, and that means I am hopeful, whatever the outcome of this process.”

In the end, I did not lose my job and am grateful for that. But I am also grateful that in this process God taught me to trust him. It’s essential to remember that our confidence is not in our own reputation, prowess, sense of calling, or academic institution, but in our loving heavenly Father.