{"id":2372,"date":"2021-10-12T13:38:47","date_gmt":"2021-10-12T17:38:47","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/campus.cru.org\/faculty\/?p=2372"},"modified":"2023-07-18T21:08:07","modified_gmt":"2023-07-19T01:08:07","slug":"i-struggle","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/campus.cru.org\/faculty\/2021\/i-struggle\/","title":{"rendered":"I Struggle"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t<div data-elementor-type=\"wp-post\" data-elementor-id=\"2372\" class=\"elementor elementor-2372\" data-elementor-post-type=\"post\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<section data-particle_enable=\"false\" data-particle-mobile-disabled=\"false\" class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-08652a5 elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"08652a5\" data-element_type=\"section\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-c39e43f\" data-id=\"c39e43f\" data-element_type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-a061205 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"a061205\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p>I struggle.&nbsp; I have been on faculty at the University of Florida since 2013.&nbsp; I have called myself a Christian since 1996, but I only really stationed Jesus as the Lord of my life about four years ago.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section data-particle_enable=\"false\" data-particle-mobile-disabled=\"false\" class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-9426b4a elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"9426b4a\" data-element_type=\"section\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-2054e62\" data-id=\"2054e62\" data-element_type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-c717fb1 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"c717fb1\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p>Because of his Lordship, my goals, desires, and perspectives have evolved.&nbsp; Not that I didn\u2019t see change when I was a teenager.&nbsp; Sometimes I wonder if my journey is similar to that of Jacob, who needed several decades to become a patriarch after making his first commitment in Bethel.<\/p><p>I sense that life has been a journey downstream in a rowboat.&nbsp; I can\u2019t see where I am headed, but I can see God\u2019s intervention in my past.&nbsp; Sometimes I feel like I am alone in the rowboat, but sometimes I feel that God has put my wife or a friend in it with me at just the right time.<\/p><p>I struggle.&nbsp; I perceive a generation that has become more fearful, hateful, and partisan.&nbsp; This generation closes its eyes, willfully listening to false stories and distractions.&nbsp;<\/p><p>This generation intersects my campus through media, social media, and the people they have encountered.&nbsp; I perceive a generation in desperate need of something real, something true, and something to hope in, especially when the people they look up to fail to measure up.<\/p><p>I am uncertain where the boundary is between being faithful and mentoring or proselytizing.&nbsp; I am overwhelmed by the number of lost people with whom I have no idea how to have a meaningful relationship.&nbsp; I am troubled because I feel that I have been idle.&nbsp; I am not always sure for what I hope.<\/p><p>My only recourse is to pray.&nbsp; Pray for grace and mercy on the people I meet, pray for the Holy Spirit to do a new thing, pray for the Father\u2019s guidance and wisdom.&nbsp; Sometimes I pray for divine intervention and a healing touch to bring people and society in line with his will.&nbsp; Sometimes I just pray that God would hurry back and bring his justice and discernment.&nbsp; I am not sure how to be the salt and light Jesus is calling me to be.<\/p><p>I struggle.&nbsp; It\u2019s not just around where I work, but the struggle is multi-faceted across the breadth of who I am as an individual.&nbsp; My priorities changed in work, but they have also morphed around all my life.&nbsp; How can I be a better husband, how can I be a better father\u2026?&nbsp; Should I have more children?&nbsp; Fostering other people\u2019s children isn\u2019t for the faint of heart, but I feel drawn into it.<\/p><p>How do I stay connected to the Father?&nbsp; How do my joys and passions fit on this journey with which God has blessed me? How do I love my spouse as Christ loved the church?&nbsp; How do I love my neighbor as I love myself?<\/p><p><span>There hasn\u2019t been a simple answer that works for any area of my life.&nbsp; My work life shares a boundary with my family life and a boundary with how I interact with others.&nbsp; Each solution tends to borrow from another area, and it is hard to find balance.<\/span><span>&nbsp;<\/span><\/p><p>I wrestle with these things, and like Jacob, I may come out with a limp.&nbsp; However, I know that I have been blessed.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section data-particle_enable=\"false\" data-particle-mobile-disabled=\"false\" class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-78a82b5 elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"78a82b5\" data-element_type=\"section\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-aeff07b\" data-id=\"aeff07b\" data-element_type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-67a0f96 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"67a0f96\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p><b>Josh Sappenfield<\/b><br>University of Florida<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I struggle.\u00a0 I have been on faculty at the University of Florida since 2013.\u00a0 I have called myself a Christian since 1996, but I only really stationed Jesus as the Lord of my life about four years ago. Because of his Lordship, my goals, desires, and perspectives have evolved.\u00a0 Not that I didn\u2019t see change [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":50274,"featured_media":287,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"elementor_theme","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[2437],"tags":[2946,2945,2944],"class_list":["post-2372","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-personal-faith","tag-josh-sappenfield","tag-pray","tag-struggle"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.7 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>I Struggle - Faculty Commons<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/campus.cru.org\/faculty\/2021\/i-struggle\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"I Struggle - Faculty Commons\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I struggle.\u00a0 I have been on faculty at the University of Florida since 2013.\u00a0 I have called myself a Christian since 1996, but I only really stationed Jesus as the Lord of my life about four years ago. 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