{"id":806,"date":"2019-11-05T15:32:48","date_gmt":"2019-11-05T20:32:48","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/campus.cru.org\/faculty\/?p=806"},"modified":"2023-07-18T21:08:50","modified_gmt":"2023-07-19T01:08:50","slug":"his-wife-cried-when-i-introduced-myself","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/campus.cru.org\/faculty\/2019\/his-wife-cried-when-i-introduced-myself\/","title":{"rendered":"His Wife Cried When I Introduced Myself"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t
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To understand why his wife cried, it might help to know what I have been doing the past couple of years. I retired five years ago from Oklahoma State University after 38 years in academia. The Faculty Commons staff couple that built the vibrant Christian faculty-staff ministry at OSU over a period of 30 years retired\u2014and passed along the leadership to me. 
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Our group has focused on events: faculty luncheons with guest speakers; campus-wide lectures by Christian apologists. In part, because these events succeeded, our email list has grown to about 300 faculty and staff members. <\/p>

People continue to attend our events. <\/p>

But what is really happening in faculty lives? <\/b><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t

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Coffee Conversations<\/h2>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t
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I didn\u2019t start out with that question in mind six years ago when our group was raising money for more events on campus. I decided to meet one-on-one with a few Christian colleagues I knew to ask for their support. Nearby coffee shops provided the perfect environment.<\/p>

What followed were regular conversations at the coffee shop adjacent to campus that took an unexpected turn. I was expecting uncomfortable, hurried visits. I was unprepared for an hour or more of wide-ranging and relaxed interaction about all aspects of our lives. My faculty friends grew surprisingly open about tenure struggles, work-life balance, and their Christian walk.<\/p>

Finally, someone had taken the time to listen.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>

While a Ph.D. student at Colorado State University, I noticed that my department\u2019s faculty members often gathered in groups of 3 or 4 to walk to the Lory Student Center for mid-morning coffee. When I got to South Dakota State, I was surprised that my fellow faculty members also had a long-standing tradition of mid-morning and mid-afternoon coffee breaks. Every day of the workweek!\u00a0<\/p>

Urged on by a senior faculty member, I attended most coffee breaks in which I wasn\u2019t either in class or actively researching. At coffee, I soaked up the cultural values of my colleagues, learned subtle tips about teaching effectiveness, and received hints about making tenure.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t

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A New Reality on Campus<\/h2>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t
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Sadly, the new reality is that on many campuses:\u00a0<\/p>

Faculty members no longer value the need to gather regularly for informal dialogue.<\/p>

University administrations often discourage non-instructional use of space.<\/p>

Office doors that were traditionally open are increasingly closed.<\/p>

The closed-door shouts\u2014\u201cDon\u2019t interrupt me!\u201d<\/p>

Hence, faculty members socialize less frequently, and in so doing miss out on informal mentoring and vital life-on-life connections.\u00a0<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t

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Despite this new reality, I've made coffee conversations a valued practice. <\/h2>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t
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So it was that one day I introduced myself to the wife of one of my \u201ccoffee friends.\u201d As she broke into tears, she said, \u201cI have been praying for my husband to have other Christian men come alongside him.\u201d She went on to explain that her husband works long hours, is isolated, and needs encouragement. Her tears said \u201cthank you\u201d for being one of those men.<\/p>

The next time you meet a faculty member whom you hardly know at church or at a Faculty Commons event on campus, ask if you can buy him\/her a cup of coffee so that you can get acquainted. Meet somewhere other than their office. Find time to listen.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t

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Dave Engle<\/b>
OSU<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

To understand why his wife cried, it might help to know what I have been doing the past couple of years. I retired five years ago from Oklahoma State University after 38 years in academia. The Faculty Commons staff couple that built the vibrant Christian faculty-staff ministry at OSU over a period of 30 years […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":50274,"featured_media":285,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"elementor_theme","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[2435],"tags":[2593,2516,2443],"class_list":["post-806","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-cultivating-community","tag-dave-engle","tag-importance-of-relationships","tag-listening"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nHis Wife Cried When I Introduced Myself - Faculty Commons<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/campus.cru.org\/faculty\/2019\/his-wife-cried-when-i-introduced-myself\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"His Wife Cried When I Introduced Myself - Faculty Commons\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"To understand why his wife cried, it might help to know what I have been doing the past couple of years. 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