Growing up, it felt very hard to speak to new people, to make new friends, and to public speak in front of multiple people. That was partly due to my stuttering. It just felt like a physical barrier that prevented me from using my voice. That was something I struggled with throughout childhood, and I believed that I wasn’t someone who could be used by God for my voice.
God put people in my life who helped me become the person I am today. He gave me my best friend, and He taught me the acceptance that truly comes from knowing my identity in Christ — knowing that no matter how much I stutter or how long I pause before I say the next word, God doesn’t care about that. He cares about what’s in my heart. He placed Cru leaders in my life who guided me to learn more about Christ, to bring me closer to Him, and to grow into a tool for God to use to spread the gospel to others.
God brought me to Fastbreak. I was nervous because I didn’t have any friends. But I came back to a second Fastbreak, and I was able to share my testimony. That was a very big breakthrough because I had been so scared most of my life to talk to people and share my story — and to share about Jesus. Knowing that God’s with me and He uses me to speak — that it’s not me speaking, but the Spirit speaking through me — when I focus on God, all my fears go away. For the first time, I knew that there was a way God could use my voice.
I actually met my leader, Jason, on campus. It was very random. I was just sitting at a lunch table with my friend, and he came over to us and told us about the gospel. I’d heard about the gospel before, but through that interaction on campus, I was able to get connected with Cru and learn about what Cru is and their mission for students.
Now, I get the chance to mentor a freshman — because Jason met me when I was a freshman — and now I get to mentor and disciple freshmen on my own. I feel so blessed to have the opportunity to help them grow in their faith and show them the love of God by what I say and in the ways that I act.
As I’ve grown with God and as He’s taught me more about my identity, He’s taught me acceptance — the same acceptance God gives all of us, no matter how much we sin or drift from Him. That acceptance is always there. I have God’s love no matter where I am in life, and that gives me self-worth. My self-worth doesn’t come from any other source but from God. There’s nothing that can separate you from that love of God and that worth.
Since God loves me so much, I know that whatever happens in the future, I’m in His hands, and God has a good plan for me. Even when I can’t envision myself preaching to people — whether it’s to two or two hundred — I know God can. His plan for me is great. When I trust in Him, I have value, I have acceptance, and I have assurance that my future is in His hands, and it will be good.