5 Tips for Adults Working with Teens

If you are an adult wanting to help students grow, thank you. There has never been a more important time for adults to step into the lives of teenagers to walk with them, guide them, and help them process the things going on in their lives. Research says that most teenagers do not believe someone cares for them or believes in them. Students need adults to come alongside them, care for them, and listen to them.

Even so, relationships between students and adults can be tricky to navigate in today’s culture. So we have come up with five tips to help you, as an adult, have great conversations and relationships with teenagers to help them win in life.

1 Be Humble

Many adults are smarter and wiser than most teens. And they make it clear in the way they communicate. If the student feels like they are on the wrong end of a ‘one-up-one-down’ conversation, they may not want to listen or understand what you are saying. As an adult talking to a minor, examine your words and actions to make sure you are not relating to teens as if you are smarter and wiser. Most teenagers do not enter into a conversation with an adult because they are looking for an expert on life. In fact, your ability to listen and ask good questions will help better understand the person you are talking to, which will lead to a win-win conversation.

Connect in a Safe Space

You might be asking, what do we mean by safe space? Here is an example to help answer this question. Picture yourself at a retreat and after one of the main meetings you asked one of the teens from your group if they would be ok telling you their story. They said sure, but wanted to share it away from the crowd of people. You suggest moving to the lobby area where there are some couches. When you move to the lobby area the teen opts for a couch that is kind of around the corner and kind of under a flight of stairs. At this point, some warning lights should start to go off in your brain. While this seems like a good spot for a private conversation, this is not a safe space for an adult and a minor to meet.

Our world is broken in many ways and the trust that our society used to give adults has been betrayed many times. Knowing this, we will choose a safe space so students and adults can see that we are trustworthy. There are many adults who can be trusted and your commitment to connect in a safe space will prove to others that you can be trusted also.

Here are some good guidelines to determine what is a safe space. First, ask, “Is this a public space?” and “Are you visible to others?” If you are in a public space, but the only way to see you is to walk into the same area you are, like the space under a staircase or a secluded set of chairs in a library, then it is not a safe space. Second, be sure another trusted adult knows where you are meeting and has the freedom to ask you how it went after the meeting. It would be especially good if that other trusted adult and other students could actually see you. Public spaces where others can see are always better than private, out-of-the-way locations.

See Yourself as Part of a Team

As you get to know a teen, you will learn about some of the other adults who care for them. We hope and pray there are many adults in a teen’s life who care for them, beginning with their parents. We believe that God has His eyes on teenagers and He knows the fear, pain, and confusion they face and will be sending people like you to guide them. Some of the teens you will meet will have several caring adults in their life like parents, teachers, coaches, and pastors. Others will have almost no caring adults involved in their life.

This is important to keep in mind as you talk to teens because God often works through many others to reach teens. Consider this truth from 1 Corinthians 3:6-9 (NIV), where the Apostle Paul describes how he fit into the work God was doing.

“I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God has been making it grow. So neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow. The one who plants and the one who waters have one purpose, and they will each be rewarded according to their own labor. For we are co-workers in God’s service; you are God’s field, God’s building.”

So, if you find out in a conversation that good seeds of God’s truth have been planted by their parents or some other caring adult, do your best to water those seeds. If you find out God led you to talk to a teen because seeds need to be planted, rejoice for the work God gives us and pray for those who will be sent to water those seeds.

It is also important for us to affirm the other good adults in a student’s life. Sometimes parents make decisions that kids do not like, but they do it out of love and care. Our words are powerful and it is good to think about how we are honoring them with our words. We might not agree with the choices the parents make (ie. not letting a student come to our event), but how we talk about others to students or in the presence of students is important. We need to be about encouraging positive relationships with adults, not discouraging the ones with whom we do not agree.

Teenagers are often overlooked at a time when they have to navigate a very confusing and difficult world.

Be There for Overlooked Teens

At a time when they have to navigate a very confusing and difficult world, many teens are feeling overlooked. In 2006, the National Promises Study revealed that 55% of adolescents do not have caring adults in their homes, schools, and communities. And in 2014, a report titled The Mentoring Effect showed that 13.5 million young Americans are without caring adults in their lives who have the ability to help them through critical moments when they most need guidance and support.

Very few adults are connecting with young people to support them and help them develop. So, as you talk to teens listen for clues that help you better understand how many, if any, caring adults are involved in their life and seek to show them you care. Let’s be the caring adults that fill the gap for that student.

Show Them Love and Acceptance

This one actually puts us all to the test because it calls for unconditional love. And when we meet a teen who badly wants to exercise their will to choose and their choices are not good, how will we let them know they are loved and accepted? Following are a few ways that might help you at that moment:

Trust Grace

Consider all the moments Jesus was in a conversation with a sinner. He could have brought a long list of sins and bad choices up but He didn’t. Just imagine the list of sins He could have talked to Zaccheus (Luke 19) about. Instead, He spent time with Zaccheus. Give teens the gift of love and acceptance even if you do not feel they deserve it.

Let God Love Them Through You

The truth is, God is love (1 John 4:16). If you find yourself telling God you do not know how to love someone unconditionally, you just might hear God reply and say, “I know, so let me love them through you.” If this is something on which you want to go deeper, check out this article on letting God live His life in and through you in the Spirit filled life.

Trust the Gospel

Your life was changed by God and that change affected everything. That same power can give you the power to love and transform the lives of the teenagers in your life. You can have faith in the gospel and love teens where they are today.

Colossians 1:6 (NLT)

This same Good News that came to you is going out all over the world. It is bearing fruit everywhere by changing lives, just as it changed your lives from the day you first heard and understood the truth about God’s wonderful grace.

As you step out in faith to listen and talk to teens, we want to encourage you to start with an emphasis on listening. As you focus on listening and asking good questions, you might find this helps you express love and acceptance. When you consider how teens may battle feelings of being overlooked, the experience of having someone give all their attention to you is incredibly life-giving.

God has given us some amazing opportunities to be there for students, encourage them, listen to them, and help them make wise choices. Thank you for investing in the students in your life.

Next Step

Next time you connect with a student, focus on asking questions and listening. Our Preparing Yourself for Spiritual Conversations article can give you some starter questions and practical tips.

Preparing Yourself for Spiritual Conversations

Conversations

This article is part of the Conversation Collection. Read the rest of these articles to get an even better understanding of how to have great conversations with students.

Sample Outreach Schedule

Mingling and refreshments
Welcome (3 minutes)
Campus ministry overview from the emcee (3 minutes)
Icebreaker: Famous Couples game (10 minutes)
Dating Game (20 to 30 minutes)
Student testimony with a relationship theme (4 minutes)
Relationship talk and gospel presentation (15 to 20 minutes max)
Comment cards (7 minutes)
Announcements (2 minutes)
Refreshments and hanging out (no set time)

The key is intentional planning with a relaxed atmosphere.

Game 1: Famous Couples

Choose an even number of participants and prepare a list of famous couples ahead of time, such as Luke Skywalker and Princess Leia or Romeo and Juliet. Write each name on a 3×5 card and as students enter, tape the name of one character on their back without letting them see it.

Each student may ask up to three yes or no questions per person to figure out who they are. They must also take turns answering questions when asked. The goal is to discover their identity and find their matching partner as quickly as possible. Continue until everyone is matched.

Game 2: The Dating Game

If you don’t have a lot of couples for this game, you could call it the “Best Friend Test” and have them do best friends instead. However, considering this party is about romantic relationships it is obviously better to have romantic couples playing.

This game is similar to the Best Friend Test you’ve probably seen on TikTok or shows like The Circle, or the old Newlywed game. (If you haven’t seen them, check them out). One person answers questions first, then their partner tries to guess what they said.

One partner leaves the room while the questions are asked. The partners in the room write the answers down. Then they come back, hear the same questions, and try to match their partner’s answers. Each correct match earns a point. The pair with the most points wins a prize.

The questions are light, funny, and all about how well you actually know the other person.

Dating Game Questions

For the girls (guys leave the room):

Which ice cream flavor best describes your relationship right now: Vanilla, Rocky Road, Peaches and Cream, or Tutti Frutti?
On your first date, which animal was he most like: Turtle, Kitten, Tiger, or Octopus?
How long have you been going out?
What is the most sentimental gift he has given you?

For the guys (girls leave the room):

Which Disney character would she say best describes you: Mickey Mouse, The Beast, Goofy, or Winnie the Pooh?
What song is “your song”?
What did you do on your first date?
What is her favorite perfume?
Which Valentine’s gift would she most like: candy, flowers, or a kiss?
What outfit is she wearing right now?

Optional non-gender questions

What is their go-to fast food order?
What song would they put on if they needed a hype boost?
What stresses them out faster than it should?
If they had a free day, how would they spend it?

What is something they are secretly really good at?

While relationships matter deeply to us, they also expose one of our biggest fears, the fear of not being truly loved.

Relationship Talk

Overview

The relationship talk should be short, clear, and serve as a natural bridge to the gospel. Valentine’s Day provides an easy entry point into the idea that everyone is searching for love and meaningful relationships, yet few of us have good models of what lasting love looks like.

This talk introduces the idea that there is a kind of love that lasts, a love that does not depend on performance or appearance, and that love is found in God.

Introduction

Begin with a funny or embarrassing dating story to lower defenses and help students relate.

The Talk

Relationships take a lot of time and energy, whether with parents, friends, coworkers, or romantic partners. While relationships matter deeply to us, they also expose one of our biggest fears, the fear of not being truly loved.

Psychologists often describe our greatest need as the need to love and be loved. At the same time, our greatest fear is that if people really knew us, they would reject us. Because of this, many of us wear masks and show only what we think others want to see.

Even people who care about us deeply can disappoint or reject us when we do not meet their expectations. That pain leaves us asking what real love actually looks like.

There are three common types of love people experience:

“I love you if…” love, which is conditional on behavior.
“I love you because…” love, which is based on appearance, popularity, or performance.
“I love you, period.” love, which is unconditional and unchanging.

What we truly long for is the third kind of love.

One Who Loves No Matter What

That kind of love exists, and it comes from God. God loves people for who they are, not for how they perform or what they offer. He invites us into a real relationship with Him where His love is constant and secure.

From here, transition clearly into the gospel and explain how students can have a relationship with God and experience His unconditional love.

If you’re not sure how to share the gospel, learn how to HERE

Comment Cards

Use a comment card to collect name, address, phone number, school, and grade. Include simple response options for students who received Christ, want more information, or want to get involved with your campus ministry.

Next Step

Plan your Valentine’s Day outreach early and involve student leaders in every step so more students can experience authentic relationships and hear the gospel in a welcoming environment.

Partnering with Other Ministries to Reach Your Campus

Groups like Cru, Young Life, and FCA each have their own strengths and strategies. Students connect with them for different reasons—it’s not “one size fits all.” We love and respect every group that’s helping students know Jesus. We’re on the same team, not in competition.

Here are a few ministries we often serve alongside:

Fellowship of Christian Athletes (FCA) – Students gather in “huddles” led by coaches, giving athletes a chance to live out their faith through the sports they love.
Young Life – Leaders invest deeply in relationships, earning the right to be heard before sharing the gospel.
Church Youth Groups – Churches are a vital part of every community. Many youth leaders volunteer at schools or visit during lunch to connect with students. Cru isn’t a church—we partner with local churches to help students get plugged in.
Christian Clubs – Many campuses have Christian Clubs focused on prayer, fellowship, and Bible study. They’re often inward-facing rather than outreach-focused.

Cru’s Approach

We share Christ as soon as we have the chance, then build a network of small group Bible studies. We train students to share their faith—through group outreaches, personal conversations, and larger gatherings.

Why This Matters on Your Campus

When you are starting or growing a ministry, ask, “Who is already here?” Sometimes a group has been serving for years. Sometimes no one is reaching that school yet. Often there is room for more than one group to thrive because no single ministry connects with every student.

If another group is already present, the best move is to connect. Grab coffee with their leader, ask questions, learn what has been working, and listen for their challenges. Your posture matters. Come in as an ally, not a rival.

“We’re not in competition; we’re on the same team.”

Stepping Onto a Campus With Other Ministries

If you launch Cru where another ministry exists, remember these things:

Speak well of them in front of students.
Avoid scheduling conflicts when possible.
Focus on students they are not already reaching.
Be willing to partner for events or outreaches.

The goal is not to win students to your ministry. The goal is to help them grow in Jesus.

How to Start the Conversation

Approaching another leader can feel awkward. Keep it simple:

Ask how their group is doing at that school.
Learn which students they connect with best.
Share your heart for students and where Cru could help.
Look for ways to collaborate rather than compete.

You may be surprised how often these conversations lead to friendship and partnership.

A Simple Way to Explain Cru

When someone asks what Cru is about, you can say:

Cru is a network of student disciples who see their school as a mission field. We help students grow in their faith through small groups, training conferences, and mission opportunities locally and around the world.

When it comes down to it, no single ministry can reach every student—but together, we can make a much greater impact. Each group brings unique strengths, connections, and opportunities to the table. By cheering each other on, looking for ways to partner, and sharing a heart for teenagers to know and follow Jesus, we multiply our effectiveness. When ministries work side by side instead of in separate lanes, schools see more of Christ’s love, more students hear the gospel, and more lives are transformed for eternity.

Next Step

Reach out to a local campus ministry leader this week and start a conversation about partnering together.

Sydney’s Story

From Grief to Purpose: Finding God in the Storm

Growing up in a Christian home, she always knew about Jesus, but her relationship with Him didn’t feel personal until tragedy struck in eighth grade. Transitioning from homeschooling to public school had already pushed her out of her comfort zone, and anxiety loomed as she struggled to find her place. Then, during the fall of 2020, both her parents contracted COVID. While her mom recovered, her dad’s condition worsened, leading to months of uncertainty. She vividly remembers the day he left for the hospital and the long, heartbreaking journey that followed. Despite moments of hope, her dad passed away on February 20th, 2021. At just 13 years old, she faced the devastating reality of losing her father—a loss that shook her world and her faith.

In the midst of that grief, she began to see God’s hand at work. During sleepless nights and moments of overwhelming sorrow, God surrounded her with people who cared—friends, family, and a community that embodied His love. Though the pain of loss didn’t disappear, she found comfort in the truth that this life is not the end. Inspired by Paul’s words about eternity, she started to see her father’s passing as a reminder of the hope we have in Christ. That hope spurred her to action. On a family mission trip to Thailand, she met students leading Cru groups at their schools, and the seed was planted to start something similar back home. Despite initial uncertainty, God provided resources, opened doors, and brought others alongside her to launch Cru at her school—a ministry that has been thriving for nearly a year now.

"Anxiety loomed as she struggled to find her place."

Her story is one of resilience, faith, and transformation. Through unimaginable grief, she discovered the depth of God’s love and the strength found in trusting Him. The loss of her dad deepened her desire to share Jesus with others, knowing firsthand how essential His presence is in life’s hardest moments. Cru has given her a platform to do just that—to tell others about the God who redeems brokenness and uses ordinary people to do extraordinary things. Her journey reminds us that while pain is inevitable, God is sovereign, faithful, and able to bring beauty from ashes.